There are many reasons why people play dating simulator video games. Be it asexuality, failure in finding a partner that fits your criteria, or just plain boredom, etc., dating simulators allow you a warm respite from the harsh realities and consequences of real-life dating where dating apps have trivialized the meaning of love.
You, on the other hand, still know what love is in its purest form, even if you’re courting pigeons, plants, or John Cena himself… more about that later. This all thanks to dating simulators– to heck with anyone else’s cookie-cutter idea of love, yours is more powerful and untainted by the mundane bastardization of modern romance. So if you’re not convinced that love comes in many forms, species, or “objects,” allow us to change your perspective with these 10 bizarre dating simulator games.
10 I LOVE YOU, COLONEL SANDERS!
Yes, there is a KFC dating simulator where you can court the man who started it all. In this game, players will be able to attend a prestigious and totally legit cooking academy while they deal with the social scene and their bubbling feelings for Colonel Sanders himself.
This is a rather difficult simulator as there are several ways to “lose” the game which can result in your character being consumed by the ether or waking up back in bed on the first day of school (making the player have to start the game all over again.) But it is so worth it in the end, just trust us.
9 PURRFECT DATE
Taking the term animal-lover to the extreme here, this dating simulator allows players to court their furry friends. We’re talking about cats and if you ever wanted to date a cat because why not, then Purrfect Date might scratch that itch.
It takes place in a fictional game world of Cat Island populated by six cats with varying personalities and who can also talk to you. It’s not as weird or as low-budget as the rest of the games in this list; it actually has 18 alternative endings and many other gameplay intricacies to keep you coming back… unless you’re a dog person.
8 CAGING ME SOFTLY
Now we’re getting into abstract territory. Caging Me Softly is an idea you can only come up with if you tap into abyssal recesses of your brain’s frontal lobe, meaning it is alien as heck despite featuring one of the most familiar faces in Hollywood and meme culture today.
Anyway, this game was made in just five hours and only lasts around a few minutes of your life. It’s also free and uber weird, which means you don’t have to have invested anything just to experience Nicholas Cage in all his radiant glory. Oh, and do be careful of what you say about his face as this will determined how the game ends.
7 JOHN CENA’S SEXY HIGH SCHOOL ADVENTURE
Look, you’re playing a fantasy dating sim anyway, so you might as well shoot for the stars, right? By star, we mean WWE wrestling champ and his name is John Cena!!! He has his own dating game called John Cena’s Sexy High School Adventure. Like Caging Me Softly, this one is also free and lets you date your favorite celebrity.
You play as transferee student Fucco-san who hopes that he would be popular in his high school. The only problem is, everyone is John Cena, which is why the school looks mostly empty. Anyway, this lucid nightmare– er, game, only lasts 30 minutes but has seven endings and promises funny and hot scenes as well as different variations of John Cena that no one asked for.
6 DOKI DOKI LITERATURE CLUB
Leave it to the Japanese to make some of the oddest dating simulators in existence. One the surface, Doki Doki Literature Club appears like your standard dating sim where you pick a girl (or girls) and try to increase their affection for you. That is until the game’s anime girl characters start becoming unhinged, murderous, and sadomasochistic. By then, there’s no turning back.
You’ve invested both your emotions and your time in them and the only way to see your relationship through with them is to let all the traumatic, lethal, and disgusting things unfold. You’ll eventually realize that you spent your precious time thinking you’ll get some sweet fantasy romance but in reality, the game will slap you in the face, break the fourth wall, and carve your heart out since it’s second half is a horror visual novel.
5 JURASSIC HEART
It’s clear that the developers of this game were so preoccupied asking whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should. In any case, the dinosaurs have already been made and there’s no taking them back, might as well date them and Jurassic Heart makes this possible.
The game is simple. It’s your one chance of living out your misunderstood fantasy of romancing a T-Rex. Because they may look like beastly carnivorous brutes with no regard for smaller dinosaurs but inside, they’re actually tender and cute and would blush in no time if you compliment their sharp killer teeth.
4 PANZERMADELS: TANK DATING SIMULATOR
A game made by history majors, for history majors or mostly WWII tank enthusiasts. Panzermadels: Tanks Dating Simulator is pretty straightforward like the tanks of WWII, except that game replaces the tank models with anime girls representative of specific tanks’ appearances… or behaviors.
So, don’t be surprised to see a kawaii anime girl named T-34 or even Panzerkampfwagen VI, that’s hot. It’s no slouch either, the game is highly rated on Steam and comes with mostly positive reviews, meaning these tanks probably have more personality than your usual Tinder date; this makes them even better since your real-life date can’t fight in the European theatre of World War II, so you can’t be proud about them.
3 TOMAK: SAVE THE EARTH - LOVE STORY
Plants and all growing green things are lovely, yes? If given the opportunity to love them more especially, er, physically, would you take it? That’s what you need to explore by yourself in Tomak: Save the Earth - Love Story. It’s a dating simulation that got spliced into a plant care video game.
As such, those hell-spawned anomalies, sorry, plants with human heads, are the characters you’ll be dating in Tomak. Well, if you ask us, it’s about time those damned plants reciprocate the love and care you’re giving them every day. The more you take care of the human plant head, the more it will love you back, simple math, but not everyone gets it.
2 THE BACON LETTUCE BIOGRAPHIES
It’s called The Bacon Lettuce Biographies and it seems the developers took the term meat-lover too literally. You can date, as you may have guessed, meat. Pork, chicken, beef, anything red, raw, and can cause kidney or heart problems.
It’s the standard premise, you, a teenage student enrolls in a new school and suddenly everyone’s all over you like a dog to a bone, except “everyone” was either part of poultry or livestock carcass. Even so, they do have personalities and you can interact with them which makes it hard since both steak and bacon taste delicious.
1 HATOFUL BOYFRIEND
Hatoful Boyfriend lets you channel your inner Nikola Tesla, meaning you can court and have a relationship with… birds. Somehow, you’re a teenage human girl who enrolls in a high school for pigeons because you’re coo-coo-ka-choo and because regular human schools will bury you in student debt.
Anyway, these pigeons have their own preferences, dreams, and aspirations, making them more human the usual people you get to interact with on the internet. Hatoful Boyfriend is a game that takes dating seriously, even if what you’ll be eating in your first date is bird seed. At least that’s a date you can’t ruin any further, right?
