Super Smash Bros Ultimate is a great game; quite possibly the greatest fighting game ever made. It has a cast of characters that dwarfs Marvel vs. Capcom, and the characters have an amazing variety of powers. Plus, the game has an incredible variety of levels, most with dynamic backgrounds and characteristics that favor certain powers over others.
Add in the use of spirits to modify your main character’s powers, and you have an incredibly subtle strategy game. Plus the solo player campaign is long, fun, and challenging. There’s really nothing to complain about this game. Unless you’re a parent whose kid loves the game. Then there’s a lot to complain about. Here are ten of the worst.
10 You’ll Have to Watch the Intro Video
Most adults understand that the intro video is an unnecessary addition to the game. It has an annoying song, and it doesn’t really introduce any significant elements of the game. If you watch it at all, you do it once, and then skip it. Kids don’t look at it that way, though.
They love the intro video and watch it the way they might watch the opening to any of their favorite shows, singing along with that dumb song. Every time. And that means you have to watch it, too.
9 It’s All They’ll Talk about
If you’re a parent, you know that kids tend to get obsessed with their favorite activities, and for a while they kind of obsess about it. They will talk about that cartoon, that toy they want, or even a video game ad nauseum. But Super Smash Bros Ultimate is worse than the rest.
Because it’s such a huge game with so many different aspects, they can keep talking about it for weeks. Nonstop. Far beyond the point where adults will have moved on to other games, they will still be telling you about this new spirit they want to win or some DLC they are interested in.
8 They’ll Want Amiibos
Whoever came up with the idea of toys-to-life will have a heavy reckoning at the Final Judgement. I’m sure they’re building a special circle in hell just for them. Seriously.
Admittedly, Amiibos are not as bad as Skylanders, but, still, it is just the kind of enticing piece of junk that will capture kids’ imaginations and make them want to get the toys so they can activate the special abilities in the game.
Worst of all: Amiibos don’t even do that much in Super Smash Bros Ultimate, but kids won’t listen to that–they will want them.
7 They Won’t Want to Do Anything Else
It’s always a battle to get kids to stop playing video games and do their homework, read, or even play outside. But with Super Smash Bros Ultimate, it’s even worse.
With all the different types of engagement they can have with the game, from the campaign to fighting others (or the AI) to designing their own levels (more on this later), kids can pivot from one type of activity to another and stay entertained for hours on end in front of the TV rather than doing anything else.
6 Everything Is Always “After This Battle”
Continuing the above point: when you do finally get them to agree to do something else, whether it’s chores or dinner or even other games, you can never get them to do it right away. It seems like they’re always in the middle of a battle and they have to finish it before they can do anything.
The battles are just long enough to create a small, annoying delay to every family activity, but not long enough to justify actually walking over and turning off the game for them.
5 Battles Can Lead to Real Fights
You’d like to think that a fighting game like Super Smash Bros Ultimate would let kids get out their aggressive energies without actually fighting. But it can be the opposite. It ramps them up and stirs their aggressive feelings.
Then if one is significantly better than the other or if one of them “cheated” or even if one always chooses a particular character or uses a move too often, their adrenaline can turn into a spat. And even if it doesn’t lead to actual blows, the cacophony of angry yells can fill the house.
4 You Never Get to Play Other Switch Games
These days, many parents are gamers, too, and we want to have the time to play some of our games. Unfortunately, the Switch is just expensive enough that not all houses can afford to get one for everybody.
There are so many awesome games on the Switch these days that it seems such a shame to have it occupied for so many hours with just one game when you could be playing Astral Chain, Fire Emblem, or even Mario Kart 8.
3 You Have to Feign Sorrow When They Lose
Kids get pretty good at a game like Super Smash Bros Ultimate when they play it for all these hours. But with all these hours of play, they’re going to have a few tough losses. And then it’s as if their entire world is caving in.
It can be especially bad if (gasp!) they might not be able to get that spirit (for now). And when they get upset about it, you have to summon up all your human compassion. It’s your job to create a psychic bandage for this tiny, invisible hurt.
2 You’ll Have to Play Their Levels
A very good feature of Super Smash Bros Ultimate is the one that lets players design their own levels. You can choose the looks, add hazards, and even create dynamic elements like switches that can start and stop functions or cannons that will shoot you across the screen.
This does add even more variety to an already rich game, but there’s a peril. Kids, with their sadistic innocence, know how to design the absolutely most painful levels ever. And those are their absolute favorites. Those are the ones they always want to play.
1 They Will Always Beat You
As we said, parents are often gamers, too, and we know our way around a Street Fighter II combo or three. We can hold our own in most games. But once a kid has played upward of 10,000 hours of Super Smash Bros Ultimate, you just can’t beat them. What’s more, it isn’t even fun to play.
After all the the talk and nuisance and frustration you’ve already suffered related to this game, the last thing you want to do is fire it up after they go to bed just so you can get better than them. But that’s exactly what you’re going to do. Because this is still your house, and they have to know who is boss in your house.
NEXT: Top 10 Best Moves In Super Smash Bros. History
