Final Fantasy VIII is far from my favorite game in the series, but I also don’t hate it. In my Final Fantasy rankings piece I put it at number eleven. Yeah it didn’t even crack the top ten. That said an eleventh ranked Final Fantasy is still better than a lot of RPGs out there. It’s just that, to me, there are ten better ones. My real issue with the game comes from reusing story beats from the previous adventure aka Final Fantasy VII. They made two main protagonists in a row with amnesia and attitude problems? Please. Of the two Squall is worse in that he’s angst cranked up to eleven. Ha, there’s that number again. If you think about it Final Fantasy VIII is like my top pick in that third tier.
Anyway another big issue I have with it involves the magic, or Junction system. Instead of gear, you equip summons, or Guardian Forces, to yourself and then further equip spells on top of that to boost stats. Magic like Cure, or Fire can be absorbed, or Drawn from monsters, up to one hundred. If you use magic you loose one dosage of that spell. If it’s equipped to someone then that stat will decrease. It’s convoluted for no good reason other than to have an accompaniment to the already bizarre story. Needless to say, I have a lot of problems with the game and these twenty-five comics will help me illustrate some points. I’m ready to get these demons off of my chest.
25 Gunblade Technology
Alex Di Stasi made this comic for Corpse Run Comics. Final Fantasy VII was made fun of for Cloud’s Buster Sword. How could he wield that thing? Yeah, we’ve heard it before. Final Fantasy VIII is kind of equally crazy. Squall and Seifer both have Gunblades, which was Square Enix, Square at the time, almost daring you to get mad. Oh, you thought a giant sword was impossible? Well, look at this sword. It shoots when you hit stuff. While I loved the sensation of my hand vibrating whenever I triggered the R1 button I couldn’t help but laugh. It doesn’t seem safe. In the world of Final Fantasy I guess it’s best not to question logic, or else you’ll bring up a litany of other issues.
24 The Problem With Blue Magic
Nebezial on DeviantArt made this comic. I lightly touched on the subject of Blue Magic in my last Final Fantasy article, which was about Final Fantasy IX. In that game, Quina has to eat his/her opponent in order learn new spells. Thankfully all you have to do for Quistis is give her a rare item. That said there are still problems with how these spells are illustrated. Take this comic’s idea of the classic Malboro ability, Bad Breath, for example. If she has to gunk that stuff out of her mouth, well, then goodbye hygiene and hello single life. Imagine if a superhero had incredible powers, but could only harness them by puking out lasers. That’s sort of Quistis’ situation. No wonder Squall looks so alarmed.
23 Fashionably Villainous
Nebezial on DeviantArt made this comic. If you took the Final Fantasy characters out of their games you’d think they were sketches for some kinky magazine. This is double true when it comes to the villains. I love the sentiment this one brings up about them being there for some sort of raunchy cosplay convention.
That has to chafe in battle, right?
That’s good stuff right there. Leblanc and Ultimecia, who has the worst name, aren’t so much kinky so much as they like showing off a third of their body split right down the middle. Kuja is just a dude who wishes he were a girl. Sephiroth is fine to me. Black leather and silver hair are très chic. Not sure about that cross though.
22 Beatle Me This
BrokenTeapot on DeviantArt made this comic. Rinoa is a lot like Yuna. She’s bland. Unlike Yuna, who is central to the plot of her game, Rinoa isn’t. Okay she is sort of important, but just look at what this comic is trying to say. It felt like Rinoa was shoved in for the main character, Squall, to have a love interest.
There has to be a Photoshop of Rinoa’s face on Yoko’s somewhere online.
Sure she’s cute, but so what. Don’t forget that everyone is connected via Edea’s daycare. Rinoa is the odd woman out. She’s like the kink in the machine that gets the end of the world ball rolling. Also she’s cruel to animals, which we will get into later. Yes, Rinoa is indeed the Yoko of the group.
21 Old Enough To Party
Alex Di Stasi made this comic for Corpse Run Comics. This may seem nonsensical, but there’s a lot to analyze here in order to get the joke. First of all, yes, both Zell and Squall are under twenty-one. That part is obvious as is the trend of youngsters trying to get fake IDs. Who is looking at said fake IDs? Quetzalcoatl who is the lighting replacement for Ramuh. Why? That’s a question for another time. Now Quetzalcoatl has an ability called Card that characters can equip as an ability. This skill turns weakened monsters into cards. Pretty useful skill, but if there is anyone that can spot a fake it would be the summon that turns things into cards. He’s the ultimate bouncer while at the same time sort of the ultimate counterfeiter.
20 Everyone Has Cards!
Alex Di Stasi made this comic for Corpse Run Comics. With that quick aside it’s finally time to get back to trashing Triple Triad. It’s the perfect time since I just brought up Quetzalcoatl’s Card magic. I said he was a counterfeiter, but for all intents and purposes, I imagine he’s just trapping the monsters into cards just like Maximillion Pegasus can do in Yu-Gi-Oh!
The counterfeiting market must be huge in Final Fantasy VIII.
There is indeed a Squall card and those are the right attributes for it at the top left corner. I understand the confusion of his opponent though. Why would someone think there is a Squall card? He’s not like a famous celebrity, or former president. Again, it doesn’t make sense.
19 Boom Goes The Doggie
Alex Di Stasi made this comic for Corpse Run Comics. Rinoa uses her dog in her Limit Breaks in a variety of ways, but the most screwed up one of them all is the Angelo Cannon. This tiny pup jumps on top of her launcher and fires him like an atomic rocket complete with an explosion. Somehow Angelo is unharmed. A few things could be going on here. One, Rinoa is using magic to heal Angelo after every explosion. Two, Angelo is actually a ghost dog and or immortal. Three, the developers simply don’t care. Whatever choice is right, three, I bet PETA would have an issue with these attacks. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one that thought this. Thanks for the validation comic!
18 A Tail As Old As Time
ShiSeptiana on DeviantArt made this comic. There’s never a point in Final Fantasy IX where someone grabs Zidane by the tail. I wonder if his powers would weaken like Goku’s, or any of the other Saiyans in Dragon Ball Z. This comic, I think, is a call out to that question. What if the Final Fantasy heroes knew about Dragon Ball Z? I think that’s why Laguna tried to pull on Zidane’s tail and likewise why Squall was so curious to do it as well. I can’t imagine they’re the only ones either. Tails are fascinating to humans. You have to pull on them! Monkey see, monkey do as they say. Another adage is to say like father like son, which we’ll get into later.
17 Cowboy Blues
Typthis on DeviantArt made this comic. Let’s clear some things up right off the bat. If you’re a straight guy and you have to walk up a ladder then I imagine you hope the person above you is a girl, right? Rinoa would be a fine behind to admire for example. As stoic as Squall is this panel points out that even he hopes to snag a glimpse and get lucky.
What’s under that coat Irvine?
Instead, he’s treated to some nice chaps via Irvine. I’m going to go ahead and assume the artist is trying to say Irvine has nothing protecting his bottom. That’s a nice view all right Squall. I think they call that the cowboy moon. No wonder he wears such a long coat.
16 Whipped
Nebezial on DeviantArt made this comic. Speaking of kinky behavior did anyone find it weird when your teacher, Quistis, joined up with you? She’s pretty close in age at just one year ahead of Squall. The only reason she was teaching was because she’s smart and became a SeeD at fifteen. There’s a big difference between subbing in for the normal teacher and actually becoming the instructor though. Oh well. Of all the things this is low on my totem pole of problems regarding Final Fantasy VIII. I will say it’s weird her weapon just so happens to be a whip. Squall, you’ve got some punishment to deal with. If you’re embarrassed I’ll step in for you. Quistis can snap me into shape any day.
15 What’s Happening?
Andrew Racho made this comic for Convenience Store Diet. As I said in the beginning Final Fantasy VIII may be low on my rankings, but it’s still a good RPG. If I had to summarize my feelings without critiquing anything I think this strip gets it close enough. It’s like when you watch a movie that’s right in the middle of an opinion, but closer to bad than good.
A simple story about amnesia, time travel, and out of body experiences.
It’s like yep that was certainly a movie I just watched. I can’t be the only one. Jokes aside Final Fantasy VIII is pretty sensible for a while and then it jumps fifty sharks at the end so much so that it scrambled my brain by the credits.
14 Odin In Da House
Alex Di Stasi made this comic for Corpse Run Comics. If you thought the summon Knights of the Round was a long animation to watch then you haven’t played Final Fantasy VIII. Every creature you use can be boosted, which is cool, but it forces you to pay attention and witness overly long summons. Eden is by far the worse in terms of length. I’m happy to deal with those problems though. The one summon I absolutely hate is Odin. He randomly appears at the start of battle, which means he might instantly destroy everything on screen. It always happened to me when a rare monster I wanted to Draw from appeared too. I think that’s pretty much what this comic is trying to illustrate.
13 Father Issues
Saramanda on Zerochan made this comic. Sometimes comics don’t have to have words in order to be funny. This one, for example, doesn’t. That said it’s not so much funny as it is cute. Who doesn’t like Chibi versions of their favorite characters? Now while it may not officially be stated in the game, it’s hinted that Laguna is Squall’s father. Had he learned of this Squall might have had this reaction.
Is that blood, or tea coming out of Laguna’s head?
Making your dad bleed isn’t the best way to come to turns with that. That’s why it’s funny when Ellone smacks Squall back. Again, there’s not too much to this comic and I’ll elaborate on Squall’s birth later on. Despite the lack of sensationalism though I like it.
12 My Wife
Clouds231 on Zerochan made this comic. Later means right now actually. Not only does Squall not know about Laguna, but also it’s unclear if Laguna knows about Squall either. So the story goes that Laguna and Raine got busy, married, and all was well and good until Raine’s daughter, Ellone, was kidnapped. When Laguna left to find her he didn’t realize Raine was pregnant and he never returned to her because, ah, it’s a long story. Point is both Squall and Laguna are in the dark about this one, but if you piece things together then it becomes clear. Not sure why this comic is making Laguna forget he has a wife though. It’s very clear that those two get married, or at the very least get engaged.
11 The Big Secret
Clouds231 on Zerochan made this comic. In my last piece about Squall’s heritage, we found the bashful dad unsure how to approach his brooding son. Whatever he says and however he says it the others gathered around know it’s going to be a show. First of all Laguna kind of comes across as a good-hearted man, but with a goofy sense of humor and not the best track record on decisions.
Don’t mind us.
Then we have Squall who is just a ticking time bomb of hormones or emotions. It’s impossible to know what’s going on inside that head of his. I guess when you have no mom, or dad, and were orphaned by a crazy witch, which you don’t remember because monsters stole your memories, well you’d be messed up too.
10 And I Ran
Alex Di Stasi made this comic for Corpse Run Comics. Why are there no overweight RPG heroes? It’s simple really. Even if they start out chunky they’re going to get fit due to the constant running around. I never really thought about it before, but this comic is one thousand percent right. The closest Final Fantasy has ever gotten to including a fatter party member is Prompto.
The true secret power of the RPG hero.
That’s right. If you didn’t play his DLC, or watch his anime special then you may not be aware that Prompto was a hefty youngster. He lost weight just to get Noctis to notice him. Prompto didn’t think he would hang out with him unless he got skinny. That’s uh, not a great message Square Enix.
9 Maybe I’m A Lion
Skribleskrable on DeviantArt made this comic. You ever buy a gift for someone because you see they have one item of an animal and think they like that animal? Complicated long-winded question, but I’ sure for a lot of you the answer is yes. Look. Gift giving can be a hassle especially when it’s hard to read someone that is so shielded. Squall, for example, is probably the worst person to shop for. So I can see where Laguna is coming from. Squall has a fuzzy lining on his jacket, like a lion’s mane, has a lion necklace, and a lion is also engraved on his blade. That makes me think he adores lions, but buying him a real lion based on that assumption seems like overboard to me.
8 Rubbing One Off
Skribleskrable on DeviantArt made this comic. Rinoa certainly got attached to your back in Final Fantasy VIII. The first time it happened Squall volunteered to carry her when she gets injured. It’s a moment I suppose and it sort of became their thing. Not sure about you, but carrying someone your size for a prolonged period of time is not an easy task. Sure Squall is basically a superhuman so it probably doesn’t hurt at all, but that’s beside the point.
Angelo likes to watch.
Like others on this list, I’m not really sure what the joke is. Is Rinoa expecting too much from Squall? Maybe the strip is actually something more sinister. No that’s the wrong word. What I mean is maybe Rinoa was hoping for something more “romantic” under that moonlight.
7 Snowball Fight
Skribleskrable on DeviantArt made this comic. What is it about snowball fights that draw Final Fantasy fans together? There was one like this in my Final Fantasy IX piece too. Well, no matter. I couldn’t include the whole thing, but there are actually a few comics that continue this story. Are they all about Squall getting picked on by girls? Nope. He instead plots the revenge of a lifetime hitting Selphie and Rinoa multiple times. Each strip he points the blame at someone else, even Angelo. They’re all pretty good as each panel shows Squall sneaking around before the big hit. Is Squall doing this for fun, or is he really that petty and bloodthirsty? Well, he is an angst-filled teenager after all so the answer is obvious.
6 I Just Can’t Wait To Be Squall
Skribleskrable on DeviantArt made this comic. Laguna isn’t the only person that thinks Squall is obsessed with Lions. Rinoa has noticed too. Actually, it’s more than that. Does she have some kind of furry wet spot? She doesn’t want to get Squall anything related to a lion, or a lion itself. She instead wants to transform Squall into a lion, specifically Simba from The Lion King.
Squall should be in that live-action version of The Lion King.
Squall looks unenthusiastic by the idea. I guess he can mind read now? Either that, or Rinoa’s lust is that strong that he can feel it manifesting around him. Now that’s romance. Here’s another question. Is their fan art out there of Squall dressed like Simba and Rinoa as Nala? Don’t let me down DeviantArt.
