Skyrim is a beautiful world to explore; of that, there is no doubt. Since its release in 2011, Skyrim has immersed thousands of players in a vast open world that entices them to indulge their wanderlust and sense of exploration. Skyrim is fun, this is certain, but it is not a game that can be commended for its storytelling. In fact, many of Skyrim’s storylines can be flat out ridiculous. Whether due to silly writing, flat characters, buggy NPCs, or often a combination of all three, Skyrim is not a world one can take too seriously. Yet it nonetheless succeeds to retain a certain amount of charm.
Skyrim can be fun for many reasons, but it leaves much to be desired for any players seeking a more character driven experience. Not only are many NPCs lacking in personality, but many of the quests they offer also make the player feel more like a glorified courier and a part-time dragon slayer. Although the Elder Scrolls series has always incentivized players to play the game in whatever manner they want, Skyrim can sometimes feel more like a theme park populated by wacky automatons rather than an epic adventure.
With this in mind, the following is a list of the 25 most ridiculous storylines that detract from an otherwise fun and immersive gameplay experience. This list is in no particular order, but will focus on the particularly nonsensical aspects of Skyrim’s major and minor storylines. With that being said, let’s jump into it!
10 We Didn’t Learn Much At The College Of Winterhold
To begin, the College of Winterhold is arguably one of the worst major storylines in all of Skyrim. When the player isn’t on a fetch quest across Skyrim, they have to listen to NPCs blabber on about this and that. On top of that, the main antagonist, Ancano, is effectively irrelevant and only ever interacts with the player on a few occasions throughout the entire storyline.
In the end, nothing is resolved and the player has simply appointed the Archmage despite the fact they have been a student of the college for only 2 weeks and have attended one class.
9 Onmund’s Request Is Kinda Useless
This quest encapsulates precisely what is wrong with the College of Winterhold in general. During this quest, the player must retrieve an amulet of sentimental value for their fellow college buddy, Onmund.
The reason this quest makes the list is that it serves no purpose. Once the quest is complete, the player is rewarded with Onmund’s riveting company as a follower. However, as the player soon discovers, Onmund doesn’t have a lot going on. Rather, the quest isn’t fun, has no story, and exists purely to provide the player with an NPC pack mule.
8 The Mind Of Madness Is Mad Boring
This quest makes the list as it’s effectively an amusing knock-off of the Hangover movies. The player begins this quest by participating in a contest with Sam Guevenne. After literally 3 drinks, the player wakes up halfway across the map.
House Of Horrors Is Inconsistent
Book Of Love Is So Cliché
Caught Red Handed Is Quite Random
The Companions Are Pretty Boring
The Thieves Guild Is Not So Clever
The Forsworn Conspiracy… Or Lack Thereof
No One Escapes Cidhna Mine
The Dawnguard’s Obliviousness
The Volkihar Clan’s Unfulfilling Membership
The Tyranny Of The Sun Prophecy Could’ve Been Fulfilled Ages Ago
The Civil War Is Basically A One Man Battle
The Bard’s College Admission Is Too Easy
Boethiah’s Calling Yields Pointless Sacrifices
A Night To Remember Is All Too Familiar
The rest of the quest consists of the player retracing their steps in order to discover what exactly happened the previous night. It is odd, however, that all of the NPCs the player speaks to seem to be completely unaware of their conditions the night before.
7 The Bonds Of Matrimony Has An Odd Take On Marriage
For any player seeking to get hitched, this is the quest for them. Although it is odd that marriage is a feature in Skyrim in the first place, the process is rather quick and easy. In order to get married, the players need only speak to Maramal in Riften, then talk to an NPC. That’s it.
Not only is the courting process hilariously shallow, but the wedding ceremony also takes place literally the next day and is attended by random NPCs who think they’re the player’s friends. Afterward, married life itself offers the player little to no benefit.
6 In My Time Of Need Lacks Closure
This quest relies entirely on player choice, but not necessarily in a good way. Throughout this quest, the player must investigate a group of Alik’r warriors searching for a woman in Skyrim.
At one point, the player must choose to side with either the Alik’r, or the woman they are hunting. Although it is great that this quest emphasizes player choice so much, they never receive any closure for the quest. Indeed, once the quest is complete, there is no way of knowing whether or not the player made the right choice.
5 The Dark Brotherhood Was Deeply Disappointing
Unlike in its predecessor, Skyrim’s Brotherhood quest line did not make the player feel as though they were a member of a secret cult of outcasts and assassins. Rather, like many other faction quest lines, the player is told they are the ‘chosen one’ and that the guild is going down the toilet. Not to mention, Astrid’s betrayal at the end was simply dumb in both motive and execution. Why would she expose herself and her entire faction to her enemy in order to betray her best assassin (the player)? It’s nonsense.
What’s Behind The Whispering Door
This quest had the potential to be far more interesting than it turned out to be. During this quest, the player speaks to Jarl Balgruuf’s children in order to uncover the mystery surrounding the whispering door bellow Dragonsreach.
One of the Jarl’s sons, Nelkir, tells the player about a door that whispers to him. At one point during the development of the game, it was intended that this quest end in a bout of patricide. Instead, the player finds the key to the whispering door, enters, and collects a unique weapon. That’s it.
4 The Dragonborn DLC Was Poorly Planned
This DLC’s main quest line is quite fun, and yet, it makes the list because of its beginning and ending. The introduction to the DLC felt lazy, as though Bethesda couldn’t come up with a better reason to entice the player to travel to Solstheim. Not to mention, if Miraak wanted to eliminate the player, why would he only send two measly cultists to do the job?
Furthermore, at the conclusion of the DLC, Hermaeus Mora crowns the player as his new Champion to replace Miraak. But again, why do all these demon princes keep making the Dragonborn their champion?
3 Served Cold Is Silly
This side quest from the Dragonborn DLC revolves around uncovering a conspiracy, perpetrated by the traitor House Hlaalu, to end Councillor Morvayn in Raven Rock.
Although the quest is fun, the premise is rather silly. Indeed, it’s bad enough the conspirators stick out like a sore thumb, but it turns out they are also terrible at it. Not only do the conspirators fail to eliminate the virtually unguarded Councillor, but they also expose them in the most ridiculous manner. The player simply waltzes up to the Hlaalu ancestral tomb and waits for the traitors to pay their respects to the traitor house.
2 Even The Main Quest Is Pretty Unfulfilling
Skyrim’s main story is not particularly gripping. Dragons have returned to Tamriel and the player must find a way to prevent Alduin the world-eater from eating the world, by eating other dragons themselves. In practice, however, dragons become more akin to the nuisance while the player is, yet again, treated like an errand boy by every NPC.
Although the final confrontation does make an attempt to be cinematic, Alduin is dispatched as easily and as quickly as any other dragon, leaving the world virtually unchanged.
1 Parthuunax
To begin this quest, Delphine speaks to the player and tells them that to keep working together, the player must eliminate one of the only friendly dragons in the game, Parthuunax.
From here the player can either comply with Delphine and eliminate Parthuunax, which will upset the Greybeards, or refuse Delphine’s demand and alienate the Blades. The whole dilemma is very pointless and ultimately hinders the main plot. Don’t the Blades work for the Dragonborn? Why does the Dragonborn keep taking orders from their subordinates? This quest has no plot, just obstinate NPCs.
