Despite its legacy as one of the most popular toy and cartoon brands of the 80s that stood shoulder-to-shoulder with Transformers, Thundercats, He-Man, and My Little Pony, G.I. Joe’s core concept of military soldiers vs global terrorists meant that the series had to be weirder and wackier in order to keep marketing its army-inspired brand to children (ironically, the more realistic and mature-rated Call of Duty series wound up dominating the sales charts for kids decades later, though that opens up a whole other discussion of how video games have eclipsed the toy market).
As a result, G.I. Joe ended up producing some of the most “out there” stories that dabbled with science fiction, magic, time travel, and even Cronenberg-style body horror for good measure (though not as gross as the traumatizing Transformers movie, G.I. Joe’s animated film ended up being just as infamous for entirely different reasons). Even the creation behind the franchise is filled with bizarre factoids, as well as some ground-breaking ideas which changed children’s toys forever, which is why the following list compiles the weirdest stories from the many types of media that have been created to keep the brand going (and the toys selling). Whether you are a fan of the animated series, comics, or the recent live-action films (though that would be the strangest thing of all), let out your favorite battle cry, be it “Yo Joe!” or “Cobra-La La La La La La La!” and check out the following thirty entries below.
30 Cobra Commander Was A Used Car Salesman (In The Comics)
Arguably the most recognizable character in the entire franchise (which is especially ironic considering his face is concealed), Cobra Commander’s origins as the leader of the world’s most violent organization aren’t quite as glamorous as you might expect. Originally an American with a struggling used car business, a driving accident that claimed the life of his younger brother brought him down a bitter and paranoid path where he ended up blaming the American system for his troubles, eventually leading to the formation of Cobra and a gathering of villains signing up for various interests (mostly financial).
29 Cobra Commander Was Part Of An Ancient Snake Society (In The Cartoon)
If the comic book origin of the iconic villain is too crazy, the animated series ended up with a different origin story that… is even more outrageous. When the direct-to-video movie was released, it was revealed that Cobra Commander wasn’t actually human, but part of an underground cult of snake-like beings who have existed since before the dawn of mankind. The group was known as Cobra-La, and had sent out CC to take over the human world. After several failed attempts due to G.I. Joe thwarting his plans, however….
28 Cobra Commander Also Turned Into An Actual Snake
According to Golobulus, the ruler of Cobra-La, failure is “the most unforgivable crime”, which is why Cobra Commander was subjected to the society’s harshest punishment: being exposed to the body-altering spores, which gradually mutated him into an actual, mindless cobra. The karmic outcome is clear here, but the villain’s gross transformation and memetic uttering of “I was onceeee a maaaaannn” led to some rather traumatic imagery for a children’s series. Interestingly, the same folks behind the G.I. Joe series would go on to make Inhumanoids, a short-lived but infamous series with rad monster designs.
27 Serpentor Turned Into An Iguana
Fortunately for fans of the shrill-voiced dictator, Cobra Commander eventually got better, though it took a different company to undo the damage from Sunbow’s movie. Once the rights to continue the series fell upon DIC Entertainment, the first season of the new G.I. Joe cartoon had Cobra Commander return to a (partial) human form, in which the resurrected villain wasted no time wresting his organization back from Serpentor, as well as testing his newly acquired tech to turn the former Cobra emperor into an iguana. A fitting payback after being kept as a pet snake for the emperor’s amusement.
26 Serpentor Is Part Dracula
Speaking of Serpentor, the temperamental dictator was created by Dr. Mindbender, who had Cobra scour the globe in order to gather DNA samples from some of history’s greatest conquerors, including Ivan the Terrible, Alexander the Great, and others. Among those chosen was Vlad Tepes, known throughout history as Vlad the Impaler… and also known the direct inspiration for the fictional monster Dracula. While the series has already crossed many mythological lines at this point, the characters do acknowledge that Dracula is every bit a fictional character in their world as he is in ours…not that it makes Serpentor any less threatening.
25 Rocky Balboa Was Going To Be A Joe
Believe it or not, Sgt. Slaughter wasn’t the only faux celebrity planned to join the Joe’s ranks. Thanks to a leaked character bio card (which were typically attached to the respective action figures of each character), at one point there were plans to include Rocky Balboa as an honorary Joe. That’s right, Rocky Balboa, not Sylvester Stallone. Even stranger, the Italian Stallion would have wield a weapon consisting of a staff with boxing gloves attached to both ends… somehow this wound up even goofier than going to the front lines with just regular boxing gloves.
24 Storm Shadow Found Excalibur
The white-garbed Cobra ninja has always valued honorable duels and respecting one’s enemy. Yet it seems that wielding magical weapons is an exception to Storm Shadow’s principles, as the ninja randomly chances upon the fabled sword Excalibur during an aerial battle that has him crashing into the water and chancing upon the sword. As the removal of Excalibur begins to cause freaky weather occurrences, it fell upon the Joes to return the sword to the Lady of the Lake. Rest assured that this is nowhere near the weirdest thing to happen in the series.
23 Iceberg Turned Into A Whale
Prior to the animated movie, this episode has got to take the cake as the most bizarre entry in the original series. Having been captured by Cobra’s chief mad scientist Dr. Mindbender, the snow-seasoned soldier Iceberg is subjected to a genetic-altering experiment that transforms the Joe into… a killer whale. Not a half-man half-whale, mind you, but a full 300-pound monster. Needless to say, the plans to weaponize such a massive creature fell apart, and once the damage to Cobra’s labs were done the transformed Iceberg was reverted to his normal non-whale form.
22 G.I. Joe And Inhumanoids Share The Same Universe
It was already established that G.I. Joe and The Transformers share the same universe, with various hints to the connection already dropping onto both series before becoming a routine comic book crossover. Yet a single cameo appearance was enough to suggest that Inhumanoids also shared the same universe; during one episode, the comic relief journalist Hector Ramirez was seen reporting on the latest otherworldly conflict that seemed to plague his world on a regular basis. Ramirez has also made appearances in Transformers and Jem and the Holograms, which opens the doors for a hopeful Jem vs Inhumanoids crossover one of these days.
21 The Transformers Vs G.I. Joe Comic Is Crazy
Despite the decades of underground snake-men and demonic cultists, the craziest G.I. Joe-related story of all time didn’t occur until 2014 with Transformers vs G.I. Joe. Though the Joes have crossed over with the denizens of Cybertron several times over, this 13-issue mini-series was like one substance-assisted fever dream filled with dizzying imagery storylines that referenced every single known property from both franchises. The crazy continued to ramp up all the way to the climax, where it was revealed that the Earth itself was a dormant Transformer that awakened to assist in the final battle.
20 Cobra Commander Was Pretending To Be Weak
G.I. Joe: Resolute was a one-shot web series written by Warren Ellis that escalated the original series’ content for an older adult audience. To hammer home how this is a darker and more serious version, Cobra Commander addresses his troops with a much more sinister edge, as well as revealing that he was apparently faking his cowardly behavior in the past to encourage more independent thought from his soldiers. Having realized that this was counterproductive, the frustrated dictator stated (quite threateningly) that things were going to be different and disobedience would be met with severe punishment.
19 It’s Okay To Destroy A City
Further demonstrating that he means business, Cobra Commander also started his debut in the Resolute mini-series with the mother of all bangs, letting loose a missile that obliterates Moscow and all its residents. According to an interview, Warren Ellis had originally planned to have Cobra take out Beijing, to which Hasbro flat out rejected. When Moscow as presented as an alternative, Hasbro seemed to have no qualms in approving its destruction, stating “Wiping Moscow from the face of the Earth would be fine.”
18 Lady Jaye And Destro Are Related
In an episode that can only be described as one-part Lovecraftian, one-part Eyes Wide Shut, Lady Jaye inherits a solitary manor that houses a secret cult of animal-masked worshippers of a Cthulu-esque creature, all in service of Destro’s ancestral family. The metal-masked maniac learns that he may share blood ties with Lady Jaye (the specific relationship is never specified), which prompts him to make a quick sacrifice out of the female Joe before Flint comes in to save the day. Even a military-trained soldier can’t resist being a damsel-in-distress, as per the law of 80s cartoons.
17 Destro’s Mask Is A Punishment
Speaking of Destro, the Cobra weapons dealer with the second coolest looking mask in the group isn’t just sporting a chrome face-plate for cool factor… it is in fact a mask of shame that has plagued his family for centuries. After his ancestor was caught selling weapons to both sides in the English Civil War, the arms dealer was forced to wear the mask. Despite this, Destro interprets his mask as one of pride, proving that he willingly bears his family’s shame as a symbol to stay true to his beliefs, nefarious as though they may be.
16 Duke’s Coma Was A Last-Minute Decision
The animated movie was created to up the stakes for our heroes, from a powerful new threat to several of the top Joes being imprisoned and/or incapacitated throughout the film. Yet the most devastating blow was when Duke took one of Serpentor’s snake spears straight through the heart. Originally, this was going to be the end of Duke, but the backlash from traumatized fans for the tragic downfall of Optimus Prime in the Transformers movie resulted in a hasty rewrite where Duke was just in a coma, which he conveniently recovered from off-screen following the climax of the movie.
15 The Secret Joe And Cobra Love
Destro and Lady Jaye’s ambiguous relationship wasn’t the only odd connection between a Joe and Cobra member. In the animated series, Zarana (sister of Zartan, who leads the Cobra-employed biker gang the Dreadnoks) ended up falling in love with Mainframe during an undercover operation. Zarana would go on to help Mainframe behind the scenes throughout the series, though this relationship apparently ended as she moved on to have a brief thing with Destro during the DIC series (which didn’t last either).
14 A Single Viper Takes Out Several Mainstay Joes In The Comics
The G.I. Joe comics didn’t have to worry about multi-colored lasers or drawing parachutes on everyone and had freer rein to do away with characters. The most infamous example was one issue in which a random, unnamed SAW Viper manages to round up several captured Joes (including Doc, a prominent character in the animated series) and proceeded to take them out one-by-one. Funny enough, Cobra Commander was initially furious, since Cobra and the Joes were at a ceasefire at the time, but the villainous dictator quickly changed his mind and proceeded to throw his new favorite soldier a party instead.
13 Snake Eyes Was An Unpainted Action Figure
When Hasbro released the first batch of action figure made to launch the A Real American Hero brand for G.I. Joe, the toy company were faced with a sudden dilemma: they were going over-budget. As a last-minute cost-cutting measure, they took an unpainted figure, slapped a mask on him to save on face-sculpting details and called him a “ninja”. Thus, Snake Eyes was born, and ironically became the best-selling toy out of the original launch of figures. Just another example of how creativity is always more valuable than a massive budget (though the latter helps too).
12 G.I. Joe Exists Because Of Barbie
The G.I. Joe toy line was almost exclusively tailor-made for boys, failing even to have a girl-focused spin-off like He-Man’s sister series She-Ra. It is ironic, then, that the toys would have never existed were it not for the breakout hit that Barbie dolls would bring to the world. It was for this reason that creator Stan Weston pitched to Hasbro that the toy maker should investigate creating a Barbie doll for boys. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
11 Cobra Commander Showed Up In Transformers
Before the Joes would team up with the Autobots in comic form, The Transformers animated series had the strongest link between the two series by featuring an unnamed appearance by G.I. Joe’s most famous villain. “Old Snake” was a mercenary-for-hire with a distinctly familiar face plate and shrill voice hired to combat the Autobots. Since Transformers takes place in the far-flung future of 2005, Old Snake also showed signs of age when an attempt to shout the familiar cry of “Cobra!” resulted in a coughing spiel.
